|
Sex is probably the last thing people associate with Pokemon, but that doesn't mean pocket monsters can't exhibit sexuality. As sexually suggestive as some Pokemon are, you might think Satoshi Tajiri is crazier than he actually is. Anyway, without further ado, here they are!
#7 - Lopunny
Lopunny poses like a Playboy bunny in a centerfold spread. Or a prostitute working the sidewalk. Either way, it's sexually suggestive. It also grabs its chest area like it's trying to keep you from seeing the goods. And is it just me or do Lopunny's elbows look like a pair of drooping...boobs? There's so much subconscious sexual imagery going on with Lopunny - if I saw one standing like that at a bar, I might just have to take it home with me.
#6 - Tentacruel
Somewhere out there is a monster-tentacle-rape hentai starring Tentacruel as the protagonist. How anyone ever conceived the notion of animated pornography where monsters have their way with girls is incredibly disturbing to me. Regardless, Tentacruel has the luxury of restraining victims and using its free tentacles to do all sorts of unspeakable things with. The only reason Tentacruel is even on this list is purely for all you perverted otaku out there.
#5 - Jynx.jpg)
Jynx is no stranger to controversy. The original Jynx (pictured) stirred up accusations of racism. Because of this, people tend to overlook the voluptuous vixen Jynx happens to be. It has ample breasts and knows how to accentuate them with its dress. Jynx also has high-speed DSL and submissively long blond hair. It's looking to holler.
#4 - Sudowoodo
Sudowoodo wins the award for "Best Sex Toy Pokemon." This phallic fothermucker makes "twig & berries" redundant. Adult toy stores need to stock up on Sudowoodos for all you kinky cosplayers and Pokephiliacs. In the game, Sudowoodo can learn the move "Harden" through breeding. It even has the word "wood" in its name. And for the record, I named mine "Dyldo" when I caught it.
#3 - Victreebel / Weepinbell 
You know that kid in the movie Superbad who really liked drawing penises? Well Victreebel's designer (Ken Sugimori) must have really liked drawing soggy condoms. Its mouth is the ring of rolled up latex and the other side resembles the tip that catches...whatever it is that condoms catch. Is this Nintendo's way of promoting the use of contraceptives and safe sex? Probably not, but we'd like to think so.
#2 - Smeargle
Smeargle has a lot of fun playing...er, painting, with itself. Look at the way it grabs its tail. It chokes up like a chronic masturbator. With suggestive paint oozing down the tip of its third leg, it can splurge all over things like a teenage boy who's out of tube socks. And what's with the eager tongue? If Smeargle can get oral on itself, then it would probably never leave the Poke Ball.
#1 - Lickitung.gif)
Lickitung, to me, is the most sexually suggestive Pokemon. Its tongue would make even Gene Simmons jealous. The tongue is one of the most of the most versatile and important muscles when it comes to sexuality, and Lickitung's long, dexterous oral tool could keep many lovers happy. Lickitung is down...to get down!
Well, there you have it - the most sexually suggestive Pokemon. Tune in next week to find out which ones would make the most amorous lovers (Lickitung's already a tongue-up)!
*images of Lickitung and Smeargle are by the wonderfully talented Suta-Raito
Trackback(0)
|